NFL COACH OF THE YEAR
the philadelphia eagles finished 4-12 with reid in 2012. the kansas city chiefs finished 2-14, even worse the same year. taking a 2-14 team, and turning it into an 11-5 team…makes the 4-12 season seem like a mirage. maybe the message got “old” to the players in philly. i guess the chiefs saw justin beiber walk into their locker room.
NFL MOST VALUABLE PLAYER
5,477 yards passing. 55 touchdown passes. are y’all sure he isn’t one of those aliens on the football team from the movie “the faculty”? anyone who wants to argue that tom brady “did more with less”? 13 -3….is 13-3. best record. best stats. this is no contest.
NFL OFFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR
starting all 16 games for the first time in his career, “shady” mccoy sometimes evaded tackles as if he was wearing ice skates and linebackers were slipping in penny loafers. 1,607 rushing yards put him 300 yards ahead of the guy who finished #2. considering he managed 800 yards last year? i’m sure andy reid sent a text asking, “where was that last year, bruh? i’d still be eating cheesesteaks if it wasn’t for you.”
NFL DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR
there is speculation that seattle’s defense has an “unfair advantage” by playing in a stadium that was designed to acoustically make it impossible for visiting teams to play offense. i guess having a 6’3″ 200 pound “cornerback” isn’t much of an advantage? 16 interceptions in the past two seasons pretty much sums it up. this dude is a problem. about 3 seconds slower than deion sanders, but his mouth is a tie.
NFL OFFENSIVE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
he is too slow. he is too fat. he is a product of alabama’s nfl-ready offensive line. mark ingram couldn’t play at the next level. trent richardson couldn’t play at the next level. he’ll be just like those two. 1,178 yards and 11 touchdowns, later? i don’t see anyone getting in line to apologize. they will just quietly check his name off for NFL ROY. lacy became the only dependable offensive weapon during the majority of the packer’s season. aaron rogers was standing on the sidelines for most of it. wincing and clutching his collarbone, everytime lacy slammed his into nfl linebackers that he wasn’t predicted to be able to dominate.
NFL DEFENSIVE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
he was so completely dominant at lsu, that there was speculation he would be the #1 overall pick. he did some real, real stupid stuff. that set him back to the point that he wasn’t selected until the third round. he spent most of the season looking like the best defensive rookie in the nfl before tearing his acl in december. so, basically…tyrann is the nfl rookie of the year. and remember? if you don’t agree with this choice? honey badger don’t give a (—-).
NFL COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR
he passed for 4,170 yards. he threw 33 touchdowns. both are cincinatti bengals records. a former second-round draft pick out of texas christian university, there were loud whispers about trading dalton last year. the train of thought was that dalton had peaked after his rookie year and would not get better. three seasons. three playoff trips. that has never been done before in bengals history. passed for almost 600 more yards and 6 touchdowns more than last year.
NFC WILD CARD GAME 1
SAN FRANCISCO 49ers (L) v. GREEN BAY PACKERS(W)
new london, wisconsin native colin kaepernick ran roughshod over green bay’s defense last year. it was embarrassing. he lit the packers up in the opening game of the season this year for over 400 yards passing. but he has regressed as a passer this year, and that has people wondering if jim harbraugh may leave the 49ers to take the university of texas job. i’m from milwaukee. and let me tell you…it’s (freezing) right now. hard time imagining them frisco boys coming up here and not being bothered by 15 degree weather.
NFC WILD CARD GAME 2
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (L) v. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES(W)
drew brees has not dominated the playoffs. he did win a superbowl, but his legacy seems to be arching more to a dan marino type. superlative numbers. not so super results when it matters. if this game were being played in the dome? i think the saints win going away. but frigid temperatures coupled with a late-blooming growth spurt of maturity from nick folds makes me believe that the eagles will fly away with this one.
AFC WILD CARD GAME 1
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS(W) v. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS(L)
indianapolis. has. no. running. game. at all. trent richardson is setting “us tailbacks” back a thousand years. he is making the case to nfl owners that they guy standing seven yards deep behind the signal caller is the least needed on the 64 man roster. for this reason, and this reason alone. kansas city wins big. and trent richardson gets to watch from the sidelines as a “real” tailback gets it in. jamaal “charles in charge”. no scott baio.
AFC WILD CARD GAME 2
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS(L) v. CINCINATTI BENGALS(W)
phillip rivers has never lived up to the pressure, hype, and potential that his nc state pedigree suggested he would. andy dalton will use this opportunity to prove that he should take over the mantle as the “next in line” for the new generation of quarterbacks. look for the lawfirm of beard, ben, and jarvis green-ellis to run up the middle and burn the clock to keep rivers off the field.
NFC DIVISIONAL GAME 1
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS(W) v. GREEN BAY PACKERS(L)
my hometown being milwaukee….i might get “beat up” or “threatened” for saying this, but here it goes: aaron rogers has to be careful in this game. if healthy? i think rogers looks like the nfl mvp against seattle in this situation. but against seattle’s stupidly aggressive defense? a few bone-jarring hits might shake up the sensitive collar bone that rogers is trying to protect. i predict that one too many hits will limit aaron rogers’ throwing range, paving the way for seattle to cruise to the nfc title game.
NFC DIVISIONAL GAME 2
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES(L) v. CAROLINA PANTHERS(W)
rg III. andrew luck. russell wilson. these guys played so well, that we collectively forgot about the 6’5″ 250 pound guy in charlotte. he’s pretty good, too. and he has a defense that should probably be charged with “at least” aggravated assault. lesean mccoy and desean jackson are big fans of nasty, physical defenses. that’s what they will be facing against carolina. panthers win in an ugly, low-scoring game.
AFC DIVISIONAL GAME 1
NEW ENGLAND(W) v. CINCINATTI BENGALS(L)
i just spent the better part of this whole article singing the praises of the “red-headed non-stepchild” andy dalton. tom brady don’t care about none of that. it seems like every year, tom brady just comes out and blasts their first opponent coming off their first round bye. this year will be no different. brady will see peyton manning’s head on dalton’s body from the sidelines, and will go into every series trying to destroy him. and he goes home to a runway model who makes more money than him.
AFC DIVISIONAL GAME 2
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS(L) v. DENVER BRONCOS(W)
this game will be competitive. kansas city feels like they can play with the broncos. the only reason i choose the broncos in this spot is because i don’t feel any player has more riding on his legacy than peyton manning. he knows that the ultimate challenge will be beating tom brady at his own game: prime time. and he will be focused, knowing that he can’t exorcise the demons of new england if he can’t get past andy reid’s boys.
NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS(W) v. CAROLINA PANTHERS(L)
this will be billed as russell wilson versus cam newton. that is misleading. this is truly the battle of two of the most hard-hitting defenses in the nfl. i believe seattle’s defense is just a little bit nastier. that is why the seahawks will travel to the cold, gusty winds of new york city for the superbowl.
AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS(L) v. DENVER BRONCOS(W)
i’ll make this short and sweet. brady owns manning. he just does. face it. that simple fact is what will drive manning to lead the broncos over the patriots in a game that will go to the wire and probably draw the highest rating in nfl history. manning justifies being named mvp by taking the broncos back to the place where elway used to live. the superbowl.
DENVER BRONCOS(W) v. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS(L)
neither team is an ideal fit for blistering cold weather that the nfl’s first outdoor superbowl will generously issue out. but denver is just a bit more acclimated to this type of climate. on the biggest stage? tough defenses usually don’t make victory certain. the superbowl stage is built more for superstars. peyton manning will prove that he is one. and maybe decide to end his career the same way his mentor did. holding up the platinum football attached to the stand. and never throwing another pass.